I turn 31 today! Wow! As the people back home would say, “Next year wala ka na sa kalendaryo, nasa Bingo ka nalang.” (Next year, your age, the number, won’t be in the calendar anymore, just the in the Bingo Game) Thirty-one sounds pretty old to me, but I find that saying it out loud actually makes me accept it more graciously. 🙂
Thankfully, I was able to spend time alone today. Not that I’m complaining that Warren is always around. I’m just extra thankful for my time off today as I got to spend a few hours in prayer—it’s been such a long time since I cried hard to the Lord, not because I was in pain, but because I am just so thankful for everything that He has given me. I was looking around our cute apartment, the home we are slowly building, Hillsong and Chris Tomlin in the background, and thought about the dinner we had with my family last night, all the gifts I got, my wonderful husband, all the provision we have received the past months, I just blurted, “Grabe ka Lord. This is all too much! You are AMAZING!”
The past few days have been weird to me. While I am constantly in awe of God’s goodness in my life, being human, I guess, I still worry. Do you get that sometimes? Being worried when things are going really well? I had that the past week or so, and it’s terrible. It’s like the enemy is constantly trying to sneak into my mind. Grateful thoughts slowly became clouded with doubts– it’s even funny how I see it unfold in my head. I admit, worrying has stopped me from fully appreciating what I have, because at the back of my head, I was thinking “It’s too good. Something bad is bound to happen.” Hard as it was, I tried with all my might to stop these negative thoughts.
During my quiet time today, the message I got was “Always remember.” I have kept this in practice, whenever things don’t go my way, or when I’m down and broken: I remember the times God has given me grace, and I remember how much He has blessed me. I do this so I can be comforted that no matter how low and helpless I feel, God will take care of me—because He has done it in the past! Whatever trial, He saw me through, and has given me back everything I lost. Tenfold.
So now I think He is again teaching me to remember by filtering my thoughts. See these negative thoughts in a different light. Now that things are actually going my way, and there are seemingly endless blessings that surround me, He wants me to remember the times when I am down and out. Not to rain on my parade or to pull me down, but to remind me that life is really a rollercoaster ride. I should cherish embrace all these, everything that He has given me, and to never doubt His love. Because He is always with me. So when the time comes when I’ll be faced with new challenges, I know deep in my heart that He will still be with me, providing me with His Amazing Grace.
I’m sharing you this version of the song I really like, and hope you can use it during your prayer/quiet time! Enjoy your week! 🙂